Faux Fitness – 8 Inane & Pointless Pieces of Exercise Equipment
An absurd assortment of exercise machines and devices more likely to provide comic relief than fitness results.
1. Hawaii Chair
Manufacturer Claim: “You don’t have to exercise, the Hawaii Chair does it all for you!”
Reality: The ability to sit cannot make you fit.
"Is this for real? Only in the USA”
“I am deeply offended”
“I'd like to see this design applied to toilets...no wait, I wouldn't like to see that at all.”
“I want this.”
“I'iam ttypying wjhile inmn a Haaawwiaii cChair righhgt noqw~!”
Recommended Alternative: Schwinn 431 Elliptical Trainer
2. Slendertone Bottom Toner
Manufacturer Claim: "Firm your bottom with clinically demonstrated Electric Muscle Stimulation (EMS) technology."
Reality: Firm your bottom line by getting your money back.
"It just made my butt itch."
"This could affect your intestinal activity."
"This is not strength training! It's just too weak to cause any change in musculature."
Recommended Alternative: Marcy Recumbent Stationary Magnetic Bike
3. Gliding Disk Exercise System
Manufacturer's Claim: “Incorporates body sculpting, balance, flexibility, core & cardio.”
Reality: Use frisbees for a comparable workout.
"Finally, I can get throw out all my home gym equipment."
"At least I'll save on batteries and electricity."
"Can I just use paper plates?"
Recommended Alternative: INSANITY with Shaun T. from Beachbody
4. The Treadmill Bike
Manufacturer Claim: "The future or urban transportation."
"I can walk faster on my hands."
"It feels like exercise just getting through this video"
"If this were only in the X Games..."
"For people who´s dream was to be a guinea pig"
Recommended Alternative: Bowflex TC3000 Treadclimber
5. Vibrating Belt Machine
Manufacturer Claim: "Vibrate fat away."
Reality: Accept your cellulite. Some of these belt massagers are powerful enough to damage your lower back. So if your lower back has any weaknesses at all then avoid this type of machine at all costs.
"An oldy but not a goody."
Recommended Alternative: LifeSpan Fitness TR 3000-HRC Treadmill
UPDATED BY JACK ON SATURDAY, APRIL 6, 2013 AT 12:10 AM
6. Leg Magic
Manufacturer Claim: "Get Super Model Legs. Spot reduction in a few 60-second workouts a day."
Reality: This machine can tone leg muscles but spot reduction is a myth. You've got to lose the fat over the muscle, and that means losing fat all over the body.
"One single repetitive motion is not enough to make you look like a fitness model."
"Hurts your back and joints more than your muscles."
"Why does Leg Magic look so much like my daughter's scooter?"
Recommended Alternative: Pilates Power Gym
7. Power TX Vibro Exercise
Manufacturer Claim: "Tone and firm your shape with virtually no effort. The vibrations will do the work for you!"
Reality: Looks like a scale. Measurable results do not come without effort.
"The next thing I knew I was looking for a place to store it."
Recommended Alternative: A scale: Omron Body Fat Monitor and Scale HBF-500
8. Red Fitness – XL System
Manufacturer Claim: “Lose up to 4 inches using the power of core-midsection rotation.”
Reality: Lose up to $200 using your credit card.
Recommended Alternatives: RevAbs with Brett Hoebel
"A barstool with handles."
- Have you used any of these?
- Disagree with our criticisms?
- Know of others that should have made the list?
- Leave a comment below and let us know what you think!
- The FIRM Workout System | Synergy Training with Power Ball Kit and Slim and Trim DVD
- Pilates Power Gym | Stress Management and Body Sculpting in a Compact Exercise Machine
- Tony Horton’s 10 Minute Trainer Workout DVDs & Resistance Band | Super Stacking P90X Alternative
- Power 90 In-Home Boot Camp | Maximum Muscle Definition & Body Sculpting DVD Fitness Program
- ProForm Perspective ES Treadmill | With Flat Screen TV and Premium Sound System